31 marzo 2004
Hello, Pot? This is Kettle. You're Black.
Ralph Nader has some campaign advice for Democrat John Kerry: Loosen up. The consumer advocate and independent presidential candidate said Kerry comes across as stiff and coached on the campaign trail.
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Ralph Nader has some campaign advice for Democrat John Kerry: Loosen up. The consumer advocate and independent presidential candidate said Kerry comes across as stiff and coached on the campaign trail.
24 marzo 2004
Please Leave Your Message After The Beep
All right, folks. I'm going away for a little while. The good Señor needs to recharge the batteries a little bit and he does this ont he golf course in Myrtle Beach. I'll be back on Tuesday with some excitment and some good stories. Also, we're going to add some stuff to the right column there. Some links, other things that we all should be reading.
Before I go ...
1) Congrats to Josh for his stunning performance last night at the Ritalin Reading Series.
2) It appears that, once again, figure skating is gripping our nation's collective attention. Every Jewish guy I know is thinking: "She's a Jewish figure skater? I bet I could bang her."
3) I drafted a fantasy baseball team last Friday. I haven't seen a collection of stiffs like this since the series finale of "Golden Girls."
4) Fill out this application: Liberal Radio Network Employment Application
Try not to miss me too much.
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All right, folks. I'm going away for a little while. The good Señor needs to recharge the batteries a little bit and he does this ont he golf course in Myrtle Beach. I'll be back on Tuesday with some excitment and some good stories. Also, we're going to add some stuff to the right column there. Some links, other things that we all should be reading.
Before I go ...
1) Congrats to Josh for his stunning performance last night at the Ritalin Reading Series.
2) It appears that, once again, figure skating is gripping our nation's collective attention. Every Jewish guy I know is thinking: "She's a Jewish figure skater? I bet I could bang her."
3) I drafted a fantasy baseball team last Friday. I haven't seen a collection of stiffs like this since the series finale of "Golden Girls."
4) Fill out this application: Liberal Radio Network Employment Application
Try not to miss me too much.
23 marzo 2004
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My 15 Minutes: Just Starting or Almost Up?
Hooray for YPR!!! We're profiled in a column in tomorrow's Village Voice. PLease regard Cynthia Cotts' "Press Clips" here.
Thanks to the lovely Ms. Cotts for wasting ink on us.
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Hooray for YPR!!! We're profiled in a column in tomorrow's Village Voice. PLease regard Cynthia Cotts' "Press Clips" here.
Thanks to the lovely Ms. Cotts for wasting ink on us.
It's All About Your State of Mind
Gov. Bob Wise sent a letter to Abercrombie & Fitch on Monday demanding that the clothing retailer stop selling a T-shirt that spoofs the state with the slogan, "It's All Relative in West Virginia."
If it weren't at least a little true, this guy would be laughing his ass off just like the rest of us. Hey, Bob, shouldn't you be working on upping your state's rank on the "Prevention of Rickets" list?
You don't see Kentucky complaining about theirs: Gettin' Lucky In Kentucky.
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Gov. Bob Wise sent a letter to Abercrombie & Fitch on Monday demanding that the clothing retailer stop selling a T-shirt that spoofs the state with the slogan, "It's All Relative in West Virginia."
If it weren't at least a little true, this guy would be laughing his ass off just like the rest of us. Hey, Bob, shouldn't you be working on upping your state's rank on the "Prevention of Rickets" list?
You don't see Kentucky complaining about theirs: Gettin' Lucky In Kentucky.
22 marzo 2004
The Final Frontier
I find this hard to believe. I mean, didn't these guys see Armageddon?
Worse comes to worst, saddle up Ben Affleck. I'm sure he'd be more than willing to take care of business.
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I find this hard to believe. I mean, didn't these guys see Armageddon?
Worse comes to worst, saddle up Ben Affleck. I'm sure he'd be more than willing to take care of business.
19 marzo 2004
Four More Years!
Terms of the deal were not disclosed, but it's expected the 41-year-old funnyman will see a raise over the his current estimated $1.5 million a year. His contract had been due to run out at the end of this year.
Stewart took over the anchor desk in January 1999 from original host Craig Kilborn, who had been with the program since it debuted in 1996 before leaving to host NBC's Late Night. While cracking wise at the day's big headlines, poking fun at the broadcast media and spoofing politicians, Stewart's razor-sharp wit and his crew of snarky "correspondents" have garnered The Daily Show its biggest audiences ever.
Two things:
1) Good for Jon Stewart. He's one of the more entertaining and intelligent people on TV. His old New York Channel 9 show was hysterical, just like his MTV show before it. Here's to many, many more years of Jon on TV.
2) Does anyone fact check this shit? Kilborn's on the Late Late Show on CBS. I bet Conan O'Brian would like to know that Kilborn took his spot. How hard is it to read an article before you publish?
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Terms of the deal were not disclosed, but it's expected the 41-year-old funnyman will see a raise over the his current estimated $1.5 million a year. His contract had been due to run out at the end of this year.
Stewart took over the anchor desk in January 1999 from original host Craig Kilborn, who had been with the program since it debuted in 1996 before leaving to host NBC's Late Night. While cracking wise at the day's big headlines, poking fun at the broadcast media and spoofing politicians, Stewart's razor-sharp wit and his crew of snarky "correspondents" have garnered The Daily Show its biggest audiences ever.
Two things:
1) Good for Jon Stewart. He's one of the more entertaining and intelligent people on TV. His old New York Channel 9 show was hysterical, just like his MTV show before it. Here's to many, many more years of Jon on TV.
2) Does anyone fact check this shit? Kilborn's on the Late Late Show on CBS. I bet Conan O'Brian would like to know that Kilborn took his spot. How hard is it to read an article before you publish?
Born Under A Bad Sign?
A 60-year-old man was struck by a slow-moving train as he walked home from work, and then a car slammed into the ambulance that was to take him to the hospital. The man escaped both accidents with minor injuries.
Donnie Mack Hall was treated at a hospital for cuts, bruises and a broken finger and released.
Officials said Hall, part of a work crew at Reliant Stadium, was heading home Wednesday when he walked into the path of a light rail train traveling about 20 mph. Metrorail officials said the train knocked him about 10 feet.
Metrorail spokesman Ken Connaughton said Hall was supposed to be wearing two hearing aids, but had only one.
"He heard the train trying to warn him. ... He was disoriented and thought the train was coming from the other direction," Connaughton said.
As Hall was being loaded into an ambulance, a car slammed in the vehicle. Another ambulance later took Hall to the hospital where he was treated.
There were no reports of serious injury to the paramedics or the four passengers in the car, officials said.
[Story and link courtesy: WFTV-Florida]
After leaving the hospital, the man slipped on some ice, fell into an open manhole and got hit by a falling safe. He reported birds flying around his head and a growing bump but escaped major injury.
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A 60-year-old man was struck by a slow-moving train as he walked home from work, and then a car slammed into the ambulance that was to take him to the hospital. The man escaped both accidents with minor injuries.
Donnie Mack Hall was treated at a hospital for cuts, bruises and a broken finger and released.
Officials said Hall, part of a work crew at Reliant Stadium, was heading home Wednesday when he walked into the path of a light rail train traveling about 20 mph. Metrorail officials said the train knocked him about 10 feet.
Metrorail spokesman Ken Connaughton said Hall was supposed to be wearing two hearing aids, but had only one.
"He heard the train trying to warn him. ... He was disoriented and thought the train was coming from the other direction," Connaughton said.
As Hall was being loaded into an ambulance, a car slammed in the vehicle. Another ambulance later took Hall to the hospital where he was treated.
There were no reports of serious injury to the paramedics or the four passengers in the car, officials said.
[Story and link courtesy: WFTV-Florida]
After leaving the hospital, the man slipped on some ice, fell into an open manhole and got hit by a falling safe. He reported birds flying around his head and a growing bump but escaped major injury.
17 marzo 2004
What's That Daddy Panda Doing To That Mommy Panda?
Because Hua Mei has been in captivity since she was born, she has not had the chance to observe the natural course of panda reproduction in the wild. So officials have shown her videos of mating pandas and taken her to see other pandas copulating, according to the report.
The report said that similar sex education courses given to other pandas in the center had resulted in natural matings.
Hua Mei was unavailable for comment but was overheard saying "Not tonight, Ling Ling. I've got a headache."
Also, see the letter I wrote to the Panda Handler at the San Diego Zoo [link courtesy: McSweeney's]
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Because Hua Mei has been in captivity since she was born, she has not had the chance to observe the natural course of panda reproduction in the wild. So officials have shown her videos of mating pandas and taken her to see other pandas copulating, according to the report.
The report said that similar sex education courses given to other pandas in the center had resulted in natural matings.
Hua Mei was unavailable for comment but was overheard saying "Not tonight, Ling Ling. I've got a headache."
Also, see the letter I wrote to the Panda Handler at the San Diego Zoo [link courtesy: McSweeney's]
Erin Go Bragh
I tell by the liver of TMFTML that it's time for another day of reckless alcohol consumption (which I guess really isn't much of a schedule change over there). That's right folks. St. Patrick's Day is upon us yet again. And yet again, legions of people who have absolutely no connection to the Emerald Isle go out and get themselves royally ferschnickered. This is the one day of the year that everyone is Irish. A couple of good Irish pickup lines:
1) I'm Irish. Will you give me a rimjob?
2) Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like whole lot in you?
3) How about letting my corned beef boil your cabbage?
4) How about you let my Irish sledgehammer do a little construction in your garage?
5) Want to see the last guy that I puked on?
As always, YPR chips in with a little St. Paddy's Day fun facts. Though the good Señor has been on the wagon for nearly 2 years (a fact I must admit I am mighty proud of), I wish all of you out there celebrating a safe and extraordinarily drunken time.
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I tell by the liver of TMFTML that it's time for another day of reckless alcohol consumption (which I guess really isn't much of a schedule change over there). That's right folks. St. Patrick's Day is upon us yet again. And yet again, legions of people who have absolutely no connection to the Emerald Isle go out and get themselves royally ferschnickered. This is the one day of the year that everyone is Irish. A couple of good Irish pickup lines:
1) I'm Irish. Will you give me a rimjob?
2) Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like whole lot in you?
3) How about letting my corned beef boil your cabbage?
4) How about you let my Irish sledgehammer do a little construction in your garage?
5) Want to see the last guy that I puked on?
As always, YPR chips in with a little St. Paddy's Day fun facts. Though the good Señor has been on the wagon for nearly 2 years (a fact I must admit I am mighty proud of), I wish all of you out there celebrating a safe and extraordinarily drunken time.
16 marzo 2004
I Will Always Snort You
Grammy-winning pop singer Whitney Houston has entered a drug rehabilitation facility, her publicist said.
Houston "thanks everyone for their support and prayers," publicist Nancy Seltzer said in a statement Monday. She declined to offer any further details.
Houston, 40, admitted in a December 2002 television that she had abused drugs in the past, but told interviewer Diane Sawyer on ABC's "Primetime" that she had gotten beyond that time through prayer.
Houston went on to say that her prayers had also included asking God for more blow. Also, that her husband wouldn't beat up any more hookers.
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Grammy-winning pop singer Whitney Houston has entered a drug rehabilitation facility, her publicist said.
Houston "thanks everyone for their support and prayers," publicist Nancy Seltzer said in a statement Monday. She declined to offer any further details.
Houston, 40, admitted in a December 2002 television that she had abused drugs in the past, but told interviewer Diane Sawyer on ABC's "Primetime" that she had gotten beyond that time through prayer.
Houston went on to say that her prayers had also included asking God for more blow. Also, that her husband wouldn't beat up any more hookers.
12 marzo 2004
Am I Really This Fucking Old?
10 years next month? 10 fucking years? If you can't get in touch with me, I'm on the ledge of my apartment building contemplating the plunge.
I don't think it's too much of a revelation that Kurt wanted out of Nirvana. But I refuse to believe that even he considered Courtney Love a "talent" of any kind.
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10 years next month? 10 fucking years? If you can't get in touch with me, I'm on the ledge of my apartment building contemplating the plunge.
I don't think it's too much of a revelation that Kurt wanted out of Nirvana. But I refuse to believe that even he considered Courtney Love a "talent" of any kind.
10 marzo 2004
Let Them Shoot Up In The On-Deck Circle
Is there a single more disgusting person involved in sports and their unions than Donald Fehr? Time after time over the last few years, this guy has caused irreparable harm to Major League Baseball, while he says that he's working under the guise that he loves the sport and is protecting his players' best interests.
Horseshit. If he was protecting his players' best interests, he'd not only be in favor of testing, he'd demand it. It's in the best interests of his players' health. It's in the best interests of his players' finances. It's in the best interest of the sport as a whole. A cleaner, more honest sport keeps people coming back to see more because they know that the competition (at least in terms of physique) is level.
Though I don't know why Congress really needs to get involved to begin with, I applaud John McCain's position on this and I admire the force with which he expresses it. I hate to compare the NFL to MLB (mainly because the NFL shouldn't have its name dirtied by MLB) but, as McCain said, this is just another issue where they've struck an agreement and maintained competitive balance. When was steroids an issue for the NFL? 15 years ago? 20, maybe? Since they instituted a policy, they've cracked down on offenders. And while the sport is probably not entirely clean, it's close enough that I don't need to question the players when a new record is set.
It seems like MLB thinks ignoring this issue will make it go away. And I'm glad McCain told them that it's not going anywhere and that they need to do something about it. or Congress would do it for them.
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Is there a single more disgusting person involved in sports and their unions than Donald Fehr? Time after time over the last few years, this guy has caused irreparable harm to Major League Baseball, while he says that he's working under the guise that he loves the sport and is protecting his players' best interests.
Horseshit. If he was protecting his players' best interests, he'd not only be in favor of testing, he'd demand it. It's in the best interests of his players' health. It's in the best interests of his players' finances. It's in the best interest of the sport as a whole. A cleaner, more honest sport keeps people coming back to see more because they know that the competition (at least in terms of physique) is level.
Though I don't know why Congress really needs to get involved to begin with, I applaud John McCain's position on this and I admire the force with which he expresses it. I hate to compare the NFL to MLB (mainly because the NFL shouldn't have its name dirtied by MLB) but, as McCain said, this is just another issue where they've struck an agreement and maintained competitive balance. When was steroids an issue for the NFL? 15 years ago? 20, maybe? Since they instituted a policy, they've cracked down on offenders. And while the sport is probably not entirely clean, it's close enough that I don't need to question the players when a new record is set.
It seems like MLB thinks ignoring this issue will make it go away. And I'm glad McCain told them that it's not going anywhere and that they need to do something about it. or Congress would do it for them.
I'll Take My Change In $100,000s
A Georgia woman who tried to use a fake $1 million bill to buy $1,675 worth of merchandise at Wal-Mart was arrested, and police later found two more of the bills in her purse.
The U.S. Treasury does not make $1 million bills, but similar-looking currency is sold in some souvenir shops. The fake bill featured a picture of the Statue of Liberty, police said.
"It looks real, but of course there's nothing real about this," said Stacey Cotton, police chief in Covington, about 30 miles southeast of Atlanta.
The police chief went on to remark that the true brains behind the operation, a Mr. Pennybags, has been trying to pass off small, gold $500 bills for months.
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A Georgia woman who tried to use a fake $1 million bill to buy $1,675 worth of merchandise at Wal-Mart was arrested, and police later found two more of the bills in her purse.
The U.S. Treasury does not make $1 million bills, but similar-looking currency is sold in some souvenir shops. The fake bill featured a picture of the Statue of Liberty, police said.
"It looks real, but of course there's nothing real about this," said Stacey Cotton, police chief in Covington, about 30 miles southeast of Atlanta.
The police chief went on to remark that the true brains behind the operation, a Mr. Pennybags, has been trying to pass off small, gold $500 bills for months.
09 marzo 2004
Florida: State or One Big Mini-Mall?
From time to time, I half-jokingly refer to the entire island of Manhattan as one big mall because you can walk down the street and really get anything you want. The only thing that's missing is that temperature-contolled climate, especially this time of year.
I just got back and I'm here to tell you that they've tunred the entire tract of land that used to be called Florida into an all-you-can-eat buffet/furniture store/supermarket/cell phone stand/Sunglass Hut/video store. It's amazing. You constantly have the overwhelming sense of deja vu because everything looks exactly the same. I don't know how anyone gets anywhere in that state. I constantly had this feeling that no matter where I was, I 'd already been there. No wonder everyone drives so slow. They probably think that they've gotten there already. During the first day, it was muggier than a bastard.
On Sunday night, it was 75 degrees and the sun went down a block from my hotel. I think, if pressed, I could get used to it.
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From time to time, I half-jokingly refer to the entire island of Manhattan as one big mall because you can walk down the street and really get anything you want. The only thing that's missing is that temperature-contolled climate, especially this time of year.
I just got back and I'm here to tell you that they've tunred the entire tract of land that used to be called Florida into an all-you-can-eat buffet/furniture store/supermarket/cell phone stand/Sunglass Hut/video store. It's amazing. You constantly have the overwhelming sense of deja vu because everything looks exactly the same. I don't know how anyone gets anywhere in that state. I constantly had this feeling that no matter where I was, I 'd already been there. No wonder everyone drives so slow. They probably think that they've gotten there already. During the first day, it was muggier than a bastard.
On Sunday night, it was 75 degrees and the sun went down a block from my hotel. I think, if pressed, I could get used to it.
Spalding Gray's Body Found
This is one of the saddest stories of the year.
"The body of actor and monologuist Spalding Gray has been recovered from New York's East River two months after he vanished.
Identification of the 62-year-old Gray was confirmed Monday through dental records and X-rays, according to the city's medical examiner. The cause of death is still under investigation."
Gray was an insightful and funny man, whose self-depricating monologue I drew and continue to draw a good deal of inspiration from.
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This is one of the saddest stories of the year.
"The body of actor and monologuist Spalding Gray has been recovered from New York's East River two months after he vanished.
Identification of the 62-year-old Gray was confirmed Monday through dental records and X-rays, according to the city's medical examiner. The cause of death is still under investigation."
Gray was an insightful and funny man, whose self-depricating monologue I drew and continue to draw a good deal of inspiration from.
05 marzo 2004
Also, Fucking Another Woman
Hawke Blames Marriage Break-Up on Ambition
He says, "It is very difficult for any couple who are married if both people are very ambitious." Hawke also admits that being famous has made the break-up extremely difficult. He adds, "While I'm sitting here my marriage is not working. Everybody knows it. You hate to have your grandfather read about it. That's what makes you feel ashamed, you know. It's like, this is our marriage... and now there's all these other voices in the room."
Good excuse, Ethan. It's hard enough to take you seriously when you make all those shitty movies (I want my money back for Gattaca). Now I have to listen to your pathetic excuses as to why your marriage failed? Go sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here.
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Hawke Blames Marriage Break-Up on Ambition
He says, "It is very difficult for any couple who are married if both people are very ambitious." Hawke also admits that being famous has made the break-up extremely difficult. He adds, "While I'm sitting here my marriage is not working. Everybody knows it. You hate to have your grandfather read about it. That's what makes you feel ashamed, you know. It's like, this is our marriage... and now there's all these other voices in the room."
Good excuse, Ethan. It's hard enough to take you seriously when you make all those shitty movies (I want my money back for Gattaca). Now I have to listen to your pathetic excuses as to why your marriage failed? Go sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here.
A New Amendment
George Saunders wonders how we can ban Same-Sex marriage, but not Samish-Sex marriage.
Like any sane person, I am against Same-Sex Marriage, and in favor of a constitutional amendment to ban it.
To tell the truth, I feel that, in the interest of moral rigor, it is necessary for us to go a step further, which is why I would like to propose a supplementary constitutional amendment.
In the town where I live, I have frequently observed a phenomenon I have come to think of as Samish-Sex Marriage. Take, for example, K, a male friend of mine, of slight build, with a ponytail. K is married to S, a tall, stocky female with extremely short hair, almost a crewcut. Often, while watching K play with his own ponytail as S towers over him, I have wondered, Isn’t it odd that this somewhat effeminate man should be married to this somewhat masculine woman? Is K not, on some level, imperfectly expressing a slight latent desire to be married to a man? And is not S, on some level, imperfectly expressing a slight latent desire to be married to a woman?
[Link Courtesy: New Yorkish]
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George Saunders wonders how we can ban Same-Sex marriage, but not Samish-Sex marriage.
Like any sane person, I am against Same-Sex Marriage, and in favor of a constitutional amendment to ban it.
To tell the truth, I feel that, in the interest of moral rigor, it is necessary for us to go a step further, which is why I would like to propose a supplementary constitutional amendment.
In the town where I live, I have frequently observed a phenomenon I have come to think of as Samish-Sex Marriage. Take, for example, K, a male friend of mine, of slight build, with a ponytail. K is married to S, a tall, stocky female with extremely short hair, almost a crewcut. Often, while watching K play with his own ponytail as S towers over him, I have wondered, Isn’t it odd that this somewhat effeminate man should be married to this somewhat masculine woman? Is K not, on some level, imperfectly expressing a slight latent desire to be married to a man? And is not S, on some level, imperfectly expressing a slight latent desire to be married to a woman?
[Link Courtesy: New Yorkish]
This Guy Is Still Alive?
Don McLean says songwriting takes an emotional toll on him.
"It's nerve-racking for me. I'm not a formula songwriter," McLean told AP Radio in an interview. His songs include "American Pie," "Castles in the Air" and "Vincent (Starry Starry Night)."
McLean went on to say that even though he hasn't written a goddamn thing worth listening to in 30 years, he's ready for a breakthrough any day now.
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Don McLean says songwriting takes an emotional toll on him.
"It's nerve-racking for me. I'm not a formula songwriter," McLean told AP Radio in an interview. His songs include "American Pie," "Castles in the Air" and "Vincent (Starry Starry Night)."
McLean went on to say that even though he hasn't written a goddamn thing worth listening to in 30 years, he's ready for a breakthrough any day now.
04 marzo 2004
So, So Bored At Work
Well, I'm bored here. So in order to be more like two of my idols (Uncle Grambo and Matt Tobey), I present a list of the first 20 songs that this MusicMatch jukebox came up with today:
1. The Beatles - Rubber Soul: In My Life
2. Afghan Whigs - Gentlemen: Fountain and Fairfax
3. U2 - The Unforgettable Fire: MLK
4. John Mayer - Inside Wants Out: Your Body Is A Wonderland
5. Buffalo Tom - Let Me Come Over: Taillights Fade
6. They Might Be Giants - Lincoln: Ana Ng
7. John Lennon - Shaved Fish: Instant Karma!
8. The Beatles - White Album: While My Guitar Gently Weeps
9. The Moody Blues - Best of the Moody Blues: Nights In White Satin
10. Foo Fighters - The Colour and the Shape: Everlong
11. Buffalo Tom - Sleepy Eyed: Summer
12. ? and the Mysterians - 96 Tears: 96 Tears
13. Genesis - Trespass: Dusk
14. The Thorns - The Thorns: I Can't Remember
15. Simon & Garfunkel - Parsley, Sage, Rosemary & Thyme: Scarborough Fair/Canticle
16. Jude - King of Yesterday: King of Yesterday
17. Guster - Goldfly: Great Escape
18. The Breeders - Last Splash: Cannonball
19. Looking Glass - Looking Glass: Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)
20. Primus - Sailing the Seas of Cheese: Fish On (Fisherman Chronicles Chapter II)
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Well, I'm bored here. So in order to be more like two of my idols (Uncle Grambo and Matt Tobey), I present a list of the first 20 songs that this MusicMatch jukebox came up with today:
1. The Beatles - Rubber Soul: In My Life
2. Afghan Whigs - Gentlemen: Fountain and Fairfax
3. U2 - The Unforgettable Fire: MLK
4. John Mayer - Inside Wants Out: Your Body Is A Wonderland
5. Buffalo Tom - Let Me Come Over: Taillights Fade
6. They Might Be Giants - Lincoln: Ana Ng
7. John Lennon - Shaved Fish: Instant Karma!
8. The Beatles - White Album: While My Guitar Gently Weeps
9. The Moody Blues - Best of the Moody Blues: Nights In White Satin
10. Foo Fighters - The Colour and the Shape: Everlong
11. Buffalo Tom - Sleepy Eyed: Summer
12. ? and the Mysterians - 96 Tears: 96 Tears
13. Genesis - Trespass: Dusk
14. The Thorns - The Thorns: I Can't Remember
15. Simon & Garfunkel - Parsley, Sage, Rosemary & Thyme: Scarborough Fair/Canticle
16. Jude - King of Yesterday: King of Yesterday
17. Guster - Goldfly: Great Escape
18. The Breeders - Last Splash: Cannonball
19. Looking Glass - Looking Glass: Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)
20. Primus - Sailing the Seas of Cheese: Fish On (Fisherman Chronicles Chapter II)
Maybe He'll Call Himself 'Harold'
"Harry Potter may be set to grow up. Writer J.K. Rowling hinted Thursday that she may not stop at seven books about the adventures of the young wizard and may write a further installment featuring the adult Harry.
In a live Web chat to mark World Book Day, Rowling — who has always insisted she'll write only seven Potter books — was asked by a fan if she intended to write books about Harry after he leaves Hogwarts, the academy for wizards.
"Probably not. But I'll never say never because every time I do I immediately break the vow," she replied."
Rowling went on to remark that she just isn't rich enough from her stupid wizard books yet. She intends to continue her systematic "stupification" of the world's adults, aiming to complete that task by early next year.
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"Harry Potter may be set to grow up. Writer J.K. Rowling hinted Thursday that she may not stop at seven books about the adventures of the young wizard and may write a further installment featuring the adult Harry.
In a live Web chat to mark World Book Day, Rowling — who has always insisted she'll write only seven Potter books — was asked by a fan if she intended to write books about Harry after he leaves Hogwarts, the academy for wizards.
"Probably not. But I'll never say never because every time I do I immediately break the vow," she replied."
Rowling went on to remark that she just isn't rich enough from her stupid wizard books yet. She intends to continue her systematic "stupification" of the world's adults, aiming to complete that task by early next year.
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies
As it turns out, women can write too. The Daily News runs down their list of the top ten female bloggers in the area. The Good Señor knows some of these folks and heartily encourages you to check out what they have to offer. As I've mentioned before, Maud Newton runs an exceptional site for lit news.
[Link courtesy: TMFTML]
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As it turns out, women can write too. The Daily News runs down their list of the top ten female bloggers in the area. The Good Señor knows some of these folks and heartily encourages you to check out what they have to offer. As I've mentioned before, Maud Newton runs an exceptional site for lit news.
[Link courtesy: TMFTML]
You Won't Be Needing This
I promised myself a few years ago that I wasn't going to let sports get to me anymore. The men who play these games for a living are overgrown, overpaid freaks of nature. Many of them angle for a competitive advantage by cheating. The men who run the sport are generally just as bad. They are men who either outbid all of the poorer teams for all of the good players or they sell all of their good players to the richer teams and pocket the difference, while fans sit in the stands and watch a bunch of underachievers season after season.
I will never pay to see another baseball game until I have a child that I can bring to the game, so he/she can view these men with the innocence that I once did. In fact, the only thing that keeps me rooting for the Yankees is that they perennially beat out the Boston Red Sox who, as I've said many times, are among the worst, whining fans in the world. How does a team go out and buy players like Keith Foulke and Curt Schilling and when they get beaten out by another team for a very expensive player that they wanted also have the audacity to say, with a straight face, that baseball needs a salary cap?
Football's the sport that got it right financially but the Jets find new ways to disappoint ever single year. I can't really complain about the sport. It's always exciting. It's the best sport to gamble on. You never know with 100% accuracy who is going to win. It's amazing. The biggest problem with football is that it's nearly impossible to go to a game in the big markets. Giants Stadium is ALWAYS sold out and season ticket waiting lists are years long.
Basketball needs an image adjustment. It seems to be the most popular sport to play because anyone, even the really big white kids, can play it with relative ease if they throw their body around. No one can hit a jump shot. You watch these games for 10 minutes, you can't find anyone who could hit water from a boat. The Knicks blow double digit leads in just about every game they play, with or without Marbury. They're 7 games under .500 and they're the 6 seed in the playoffs!
Hockey, despite its economic problems, seemed to be the one sport that I could always watch with the sheer enjoyment of sport. Sure, the Rangers sucked but they were always there, making moves. They are poorly coached. They really have no system in place that makes them any kind of cohesive hockey team. It doesn't matter. When they took the ice, it was enough. It's $25 a ticket to sit in the Blues. There really is no bad seat in the Garden. Hockey is constant action. It's pace up and down the ice. And no matter what, there was always Brian Leetch.
Until yesterday.
Leetch is gone, traded to the Maple Leafs of all teams. He'll be playing out the string in Toronto, like Mike Gartner did after the Rangers unceremoniously dumped him right before they won the Cup 10 years ago. It was time for the Rangers to rebuild, no doubt. This system of buying all the talent clearly wasn't working. But Brian Leetch? I feel like my guts have been ripped out. I've been watching this guy play since I was 12 years old. He was the only one left from those good teams. Kovalev and Messier don't count. They left and came back. Who can I watch now? Jagr? He's good, but he's not a Ranger yet. Messier? He's 4-fucking-3 years old. After that, it's difficult to figure out who's even going to fill the bench. It's not the same team anymore, not the same clubhouse.
Good luck in Toronto, Brian. We're gonna miss you, #2.
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I promised myself a few years ago that I wasn't going to let sports get to me anymore. The men who play these games for a living are overgrown, overpaid freaks of nature. Many of them angle for a competitive advantage by cheating. The men who run the sport are generally just as bad. They are men who either outbid all of the poorer teams for all of the good players or they sell all of their good players to the richer teams and pocket the difference, while fans sit in the stands and watch a bunch of underachievers season after season.
I will never pay to see another baseball game until I have a child that I can bring to the game, so he/she can view these men with the innocence that I once did. In fact, the only thing that keeps me rooting for the Yankees is that they perennially beat out the Boston Red Sox who, as I've said many times, are among the worst, whining fans in the world. How does a team go out and buy players like Keith Foulke and Curt Schilling and when they get beaten out by another team for a very expensive player that they wanted also have the audacity to say, with a straight face, that baseball needs a salary cap?
Football's the sport that got it right financially but the Jets find new ways to disappoint ever single year. I can't really complain about the sport. It's always exciting. It's the best sport to gamble on. You never know with 100% accuracy who is going to win. It's amazing. The biggest problem with football is that it's nearly impossible to go to a game in the big markets. Giants Stadium is ALWAYS sold out and season ticket waiting lists are years long.
Basketball needs an image adjustment. It seems to be the most popular sport to play because anyone, even the really big white kids, can play it with relative ease if they throw their body around. No one can hit a jump shot. You watch these games for 10 minutes, you can't find anyone who could hit water from a boat. The Knicks blow double digit leads in just about every game they play, with or without Marbury. They're 7 games under .500 and they're the 6 seed in the playoffs!
Hockey, despite its economic problems, seemed to be the one sport that I could always watch with the sheer enjoyment of sport. Sure, the Rangers sucked but they were always there, making moves. They are poorly coached. They really have no system in place that makes them any kind of cohesive hockey team. It doesn't matter. When they took the ice, it was enough. It's $25 a ticket to sit in the Blues. There really is no bad seat in the Garden. Hockey is constant action. It's pace up and down the ice. And no matter what, there was always Brian Leetch.
Until yesterday.
Leetch is gone, traded to the Maple Leafs of all teams. He'll be playing out the string in Toronto, like Mike Gartner did after the Rangers unceremoniously dumped him right before they won the Cup 10 years ago. It was time for the Rangers to rebuild, no doubt. This system of buying all the talent clearly wasn't working. But Brian Leetch? I feel like my guts have been ripped out. I've been watching this guy play since I was 12 years old. He was the only one left from those good teams. Kovalev and Messier don't count. They left and came back. Who can I watch now? Jagr? He's good, but he's not a Ranger yet. Messier? He's 4-fucking-3 years old. After that, it's difficult to figure out who's even going to fill the bench. It's not the same team anymore, not the same clubhouse.
Good luck in Toronto, Brian. We're gonna miss you, #2.
03 marzo 2004
Why Adam Corolla Must Be Destroyed
Everything that this man comes in contact with turns to shit. Jimmy Kimmel is probably the best example of this. Once well-known as "Jimmy the Sports Guy" from KROQ-LA's "Kevin and Bean Show," he began the search for the new Italian-American God when the Dodgers traded Mike Piazza. The guy was hilarious, the Jimmy Chitwood of morning radio. He couldn't miss. As Ben Stein's sidekick on "Win Ben Stein's Money," he played comedic foil to the deadpanning Stein.
His funny began to wane with full-time exposure to Corolla on Comedy Central's "The Man Show" and "Crank Yankers." "The Man Show," a nice concept at first, slowly lost its edge as the show continued with the gag of male superiority through drinkiing, football and flatulence. In general, these things have a very limited shelf life. The show was fine for a few months but by the time Corolla and Kimmel were ready to pass the reins to Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope after a couple of seasons, the joke was stale and so was Kimmel and Corolla's schtick.
Now Corolla is one of the writers for "Jimmy Kimmel Live," ABC's "look at me" attempt to lure viewers away from Letterman and Leno. The show is a trainwreck. They can't get guests to save their life. The rotating guest co-host slot isn't working. The bits that are crafted to work like early Letterman quite frankly just aren't.
Bill Simmons, the self-proclaimed "Sports Guy," ran a pretty tidy little column over at ESPN's Page 2. His pop-culture and current sports views were fresh and funny. As an example, look at this column that I plucked at random from his archives: An August 30, 2002 dissertation on why "The Karate Kid" is the best sports trilogy of all-time. This column is genius. It's fresh. Most of all, it's fucking hysterical. I found myself guffawing out loud at much of the KKII and KKIII reviews.
Simmons accepted a job as a writer on "Jimmy Kimmel Live," assuring readers that while his columns would likely be fewer, they'd still exist. Around this time, he also proclaimed the comedic genius of one Adam Corolla. Bad move. The quality of Simmons' work immediately went down. His columns became pedantic and rambling (more than usual and less than funny). Compare the column above to this recent column: A February 24, 2004 article on how to fix the NBA All-Star Weekend. (I tried to find a comparable movie piece but there isn't one over the last few months.) Funny? Yeah, it's OK but nothing like the work that he used to produce all the time. He's been poisoned by Corolla.
I don't get how people like him. He was terrible on the old "Loveline" show, both on KROQ and on MTV. His schtick is annoying. I'm convinced that the role of Kenny Banya on "Seinfeld" is based on him. He's like the guy at work who comes to your office and keeps talking. No matter how many overt hints you make that you clearly don't want to talk to him, he won't get out of your office. You just have to keep your door closed and locked while you're in there just to make sure he won't talk to you anymore.
I need help. Why is this man famous?
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Everything that this man comes in contact with turns to shit. Jimmy Kimmel is probably the best example of this. Once well-known as "Jimmy the Sports Guy" from KROQ-LA's "Kevin and Bean Show," he began the search for the new Italian-American God when the Dodgers traded Mike Piazza. The guy was hilarious, the Jimmy Chitwood of morning radio. He couldn't miss. As Ben Stein's sidekick on "Win Ben Stein's Money," he played comedic foil to the deadpanning Stein.
His funny began to wane with full-time exposure to Corolla on Comedy Central's "The Man Show" and "Crank Yankers." "The Man Show," a nice concept at first, slowly lost its edge as the show continued with the gag of male superiority through drinkiing, football and flatulence. In general, these things have a very limited shelf life. The show was fine for a few months but by the time Corolla and Kimmel were ready to pass the reins to Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope after a couple of seasons, the joke was stale and so was Kimmel and Corolla's schtick.
Now Corolla is one of the writers for "Jimmy Kimmel Live," ABC's "look at me" attempt to lure viewers away from Letterman and Leno. The show is a trainwreck. They can't get guests to save their life. The rotating guest co-host slot isn't working. The bits that are crafted to work like early Letterman quite frankly just aren't.
Bill Simmons, the self-proclaimed "Sports Guy," ran a pretty tidy little column over at ESPN's Page 2. His pop-culture and current sports views were fresh and funny. As an example, look at this column that I plucked at random from his archives: An August 30, 2002 dissertation on why "The Karate Kid" is the best sports trilogy of all-time. This column is genius. It's fresh. Most of all, it's fucking hysterical. I found myself guffawing out loud at much of the KKII and KKIII reviews.
Simmons accepted a job as a writer on "Jimmy Kimmel Live," assuring readers that while his columns would likely be fewer, they'd still exist. Around this time, he also proclaimed the comedic genius of one Adam Corolla. Bad move. The quality of Simmons' work immediately went down. His columns became pedantic and rambling (more than usual and less than funny). Compare the column above to this recent column: A February 24, 2004 article on how to fix the NBA All-Star Weekend. (I tried to find a comparable movie piece but there isn't one over the last few months.) Funny? Yeah, it's OK but nothing like the work that he used to produce all the time. He's been poisoned by Corolla.
I don't get how people like him. He was terrible on the old "Loveline" show, both on KROQ and on MTV. His schtick is annoying. I'm convinced that the role of Kenny Banya on "Seinfeld" is based on him. He's like the guy at work who comes to your office and keeps talking. No matter how many overt hints you make that you clearly don't want to talk to him, he won't get out of your office. You just have to keep your door closed and locked while you're in there just to make sure he won't talk to you anymore.
I need help. Why is this man famous?
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I Feel Like I've Read This Before
"Later that night, Reid was reportedly so drunk, she had to be carried out by bouncers." (Story is at the bottom of the page when you click.)
Tara Reid? Drunk? Fighting with someone? Making a general ass out of herself? Are you sure?
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"Later that night, Reid was reportedly so drunk, she had to be carried out by bouncers." (Story is at the bottom of the page when you click.)
Tara Reid? Drunk? Fighting with someone? Making a general ass out of herself? Are you sure?
Letterman Still Rules Late Night
I don't care what anyone says. Last night, he spent a good 5 minutes mocking the movie "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights", getting reviews from the intern that he always features and Tony the cue card guy (who hadn't actually seen the movie). In the end, Tony walked off screaming at Dave in unintelligible Spanish. People may think he's goofy and has lost his edge. Those are both fair points. But while different, the show now is as good as it ever has been.
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I don't care what anyone says. Last night, he spent a good 5 minutes mocking the movie "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights", getting reviews from the intern that he always features and Tony the cue card guy (who hadn't actually seen the movie). In the end, Tony walked off screaming at Dave in unintelligible Spanish. People may think he's goofy and has lost his edge. Those are both fair points. But while different, the show now is as good as it ever has been.
02 marzo 2004
Correction
My esteemed colleague, former Haypenny editor and current Matthew Tobey in the City of Floating Blogs proprietor, Matt Tobey has informed me that Marcia Gay Harden is actually pregnant, not fat.
Not only am I less informed than I thought, I'm also a really big dick.
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My esteemed colleague, former Haypenny editor and current Matthew Tobey in the City of Floating Blogs proprietor, Matt Tobey has informed me that Marcia Gay Harden is actually pregnant, not fat.
Not only am I less informed than I thought, I'm also a really big dick.
Cincinnati Reds Owner Marge Schott Dead At Age 75
Perhaps now she can schedule that brunch with Hitler.
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Perhaps now she can schedule that brunch with Hitler.
From the "Things That May Only Interest Me" file
From the voice recording on the Englewood Hospital phone system: "If this is a medical emergency, please hang up and dial 911 immediately."
This is like the choking sign you see in every restaurant that tells you to ask people that are choking if they are choking. Where did you go to school? The University of Duuuuuuuuh?
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From the voice recording on the Englewood Hospital phone system: "If this is a medical emergency, please hang up and dial 911 immediately."
This is like the choking sign you see in every restaurant that tells you to ask people that are choking if they are choking. Where did you go to school? The University of Duuuuuuuuh?
Some Housekeeping
1) YPR's Writers on Writing Month has come to its stunning conclusion. We had some outstanding submissions this month. I urge eveveryone to go ahead and check it out if you haven't already. If you have, go back and relive the experience while you enjoy a tall glass of refreshing Sierra Mist!
2) My company has relocated to the newest symbol of man's hubris, the Time Warner Center at One Columbus Circle here in Manhattan. I have to admit that it's an impressive building but could they have stuck me in a shittier cube? Nothing like exposing your horrible porn addiction to a company thousands of people large (no pun intended on several levels). One more thing: They have a bunch of TVs all over the place here, showing various networks in the Turner family. Is there anything more surreal than sitting at your desk doing your horribly rote job while watching "Saved by the Bell" and thinking to yourself that the highlight of 5 out of 6 of those careers was this pathetically predictible, gulity-pleasure teen sitcom? And knowing that Jessie Spano dropped trow for an entire Paul Verhoven film?
3) Does anyone else listen to Launchcast while they are at work? Does anyone else have a problem or at the very least some serious questions about the software that fuels their recommendations? Black Eyed Peas recommended for fans of the Beatles? Christina Millian recommended for fans of Led Zeppelin? Who the fuck is Christina Millian? Jennifer Love Hewitt recommended for fans of Hüsker Dü? OK, I made that last one up.
4) One more thing about the Oscars: Did Marcia Gay Harden eat Marcia Gay Harden? Also, when did she start looking like Harry Hamlin? Did I miss something?
5) Everyone who knows me knows that I like my sports. If it involves overgrown men hitting/throwing each other and/or a circular object of some kind, I can watch it. Last week around 2:30 in the morning, I'm lying in bed and I can't sleep. I'm flipping around the channels and I hit the Trio network. Does anyone else love this network? At 2:30 in the morning, they're airing Battle of the Network Stars from like 1978. For those of you born after about 1980, this was when primetime stars from each of the networks competed in a series of athletic events. Obstacle courses, races, etc. In this particular 100 yard dash, each network put up two stars. Finishing 1-2, in this order, was Gabe Kaplan and Lee Majors. Gabe Kaplan outran Lee Majors. Think about that for a second. If you grew up when I did, tell me that the idea of the Six Million Dollar Man losing a race to Mr. Kotter isn't the most absurd thing you've ever heard. Secondly, if you've never seen Gabe Kaplan run, this is something every person should see before they die. He looked like the Tasmanian Devil, limbs all over the place, dirt flying around him. Plus, he's got that "Jew-fro" going with the moustache. I almost fell out of bed laughing. Very good times.
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1) YPR's Writers on Writing Month has come to its stunning conclusion. We had some outstanding submissions this month. I urge eveveryone to go ahead and check it out if you haven't already. If you have, go back and relive the experience while you enjoy a tall glass of refreshing Sierra Mist!
2) My company has relocated to the newest symbol of man's hubris, the Time Warner Center at One Columbus Circle here in Manhattan. I have to admit that it's an impressive building but could they have stuck me in a shittier cube? Nothing like exposing your horrible porn addiction to a company thousands of people large (no pun intended on several levels). One more thing: They have a bunch of TVs all over the place here, showing various networks in the Turner family. Is there anything more surreal than sitting at your desk doing your horribly rote job while watching "Saved by the Bell" and thinking to yourself that the highlight of 5 out of 6 of those careers was this pathetically predictible, gulity-pleasure teen sitcom? And knowing that Jessie Spano dropped trow for an entire Paul Verhoven film?
3) Does anyone else listen to Launchcast while they are at work? Does anyone else have a problem or at the very least some serious questions about the software that fuels their recommendations? Black Eyed Peas recommended for fans of the Beatles? Christina Millian recommended for fans of Led Zeppelin? Who the fuck is Christina Millian? Jennifer Love Hewitt recommended for fans of Hüsker Dü? OK, I made that last one up.
4) One more thing about the Oscars: Did Marcia Gay Harden eat Marcia Gay Harden? Also, when did she start looking like Harry Hamlin? Did I miss something?
5) Everyone who knows me knows that I like my sports. If it involves overgrown men hitting/throwing each other and/or a circular object of some kind, I can watch it. Last week around 2:30 in the morning, I'm lying in bed and I can't sleep. I'm flipping around the channels and I hit the Trio network. Does anyone else love this network? At 2:30 in the morning, they're airing Battle of the Network Stars from like 1978. For those of you born after about 1980, this was when primetime stars from each of the networks competed in a series of athletic events. Obstacle courses, races, etc. In this particular 100 yard dash, each network put up two stars. Finishing 1-2, in this order, was Gabe Kaplan and Lee Majors. Gabe Kaplan outran Lee Majors. Think about that for a second. If you grew up when I did, tell me that the idea of the Six Million Dollar Man losing a race to Mr. Kotter isn't the most absurd thing you've ever heard. Secondly, if you've never seen Gabe Kaplan run, this is something every person should see before they die. He looked like the Tasmanian Devil, limbs all over the place, dirt flying around him. Plus, he's got that "Jew-fro" going with the moustache. I almost fell out of bed laughing. Very good times.
01 marzo 2004
It's A, Um, Wonderfulish Night For Oscar, I Guess
I hadn't watched the Academy Awards in like 5 years before last night. I immediately remembered why. On a separate note, is Tivo not the best invention of the last 20 years? The ability to fast forward straight through all of that nonsense made a 4 hour Oscar ceremony about an hour for me. It was brilliant. I didn't have to listen to any of those maudlin songs or any of that mawkish bullshit about Bob Hope or Katharine Hepburn. As for Billy Crystal's jokes, I hit the fast forward button about as quickly as Thora Birch's career hit the wall.
The most entertaining moment of the night was when Blake Edwards flew through the wall.
Does Joan Rivers realize that she's turned into one of the people that she used to make fun of?
While I recognize that the Lord of the Rings film (which I have not seen) is a nice film with good special effects and a solid story, how can you look me straight in the eyes and say that it's bar none in every category the best film produced last year when so many other good, deserving films are out there? I think it really says something about a film when it wins Best Picture and Best Director but didn't get one single nomination for an acting award. Here's what it says: "This film is not as good as everyone thinks it is." I don't respect the way the Academy votes, but they usually do pretty well with their nominations (except for the inexcusable omission of Big Fish). So where were the acting nods? Take away the effects and you aren't left with much. Bad acting and a decent story. Are people really distracted by something shiny that easily?
I think that there are a ton of people who left that auditorium extremely disappointed last night because a far inferior nominee took home an award that should have been theirs:
Sean Penn over Bill Murray? Sean Penn turned out to be a pretty damn good actor. I'm not discounting him but everything that I heard about that role was that it was totally overdone, drawn out and overly dramatic. Bill Murray's Lost in Translation performance was amazing. It was a tight, well acted performance in a role that was perfect for him.
Renee fucking Zellweger? Hasn't her cuteness tipped yet? Isn't it time for her to leave the spotlight? I'm unimpressed with her acting and she seems to take roles in movies that are made specifically for their Oscar potential. Renee, go back to Texas with your money and leave me alone. I'm tired of seeing your face in movies like Cold Mountain. The fact that this film was largely ignored was the best part of last night's "festivities."
City of God, Big Fish, 21 Grams, where were these films? Why do they only get a quick look? How about Thirteen? Or Dirty Pretty Things?
The Oscars jumped the shark years ago. I'm not sure if there's a term for what they've become.
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I hadn't watched the Academy Awards in like 5 years before last night. I immediately remembered why. On a separate note, is Tivo not the best invention of the last 20 years? The ability to fast forward straight through all of that nonsense made a 4 hour Oscar ceremony about an hour for me. It was brilliant. I didn't have to listen to any of those maudlin songs or any of that mawkish bullshit about Bob Hope or Katharine Hepburn. As for Billy Crystal's jokes, I hit the fast forward button about as quickly as Thora Birch's career hit the wall.
The most entertaining moment of the night was when Blake Edwards flew through the wall.
Does Joan Rivers realize that she's turned into one of the people that she used to make fun of?
While I recognize that the Lord of the Rings film (which I have not seen) is a nice film with good special effects and a solid story, how can you look me straight in the eyes and say that it's bar none in every category the best film produced last year when so many other good, deserving films are out there? I think it really says something about a film when it wins Best Picture and Best Director but didn't get one single nomination for an acting award. Here's what it says: "This film is not as good as everyone thinks it is." I don't respect the way the Academy votes, but they usually do pretty well with their nominations (except for the inexcusable omission of Big Fish). So where were the acting nods? Take away the effects and you aren't left with much. Bad acting and a decent story. Are people really distracted by something shiny that easily?
I think that there are a ton of people who left that auditorium extremely disappointed last night because a far inferior nominee took home an award that should have been theirs:
Sean Penn over Bill Murray? Sean Penn turned out to be a pretty damn good actor. I'm not discounting him but everything that I heard about that role was that it was totally overdone, drawn out and overly dramatic. Bill Murray's Lost in Translation performance was amazing. It was a tight, well acted performance in a role that was perfect for him.
Renee fucking Zellweger? Hasn't her cuteness tipped yet? Isn't it time for her to leave the spotlight? I'm unimpressed with her acting and she seems to take roles in movies that are made specifically for their Oscar potential. Renee, go back to Texas with your money and leave me alone. I'm tired of seeing your face in movies like Cold Mountain. The fact that this film was largely ignored was the best part of last night's "festivities."
City of God, Big Fish, 21 Grams, where were these films? Why do they only get a quick look? How about Thirteen? Or Dirty Pretty Things?
The Oscars jumped the shark years ago. I'm not sure if there's a term for what they've become.
