25 febrero 2004

Senator Kerry from Flipflop, Massachusetts

With interviews like this regarding gay marriage form the man who's probably going to run against Bush, I can't be pleased. I supported Edwards initially but, like many people, saw the electability and experience of John Kerry as one of his assets. His stance on this issue is deeply troubling.

Maybe I'm back to Edwards ...

[Link via WWKAD?]


One Down, Two To Go

Glen Sather has stepped down from one of his three positions in the Rangers organization, handing coaching duties over to assistant Tom Renney for the remainder of the season.

"Glen Sather stepped down Wednesday as coach of the slumping New York Rangers, staying on as president and general manager of a team facing the prospect of missing the playoffs for the seventh consecutive season."

Let me put it this way: More teams in the NHL make the playoffs than don't. This man has missed them for what will, barring a major miracle, be five seasons in a row (the first two were helmed by GM Neail Smith and several forgettable coaches). Glen, let go of the other two titles and go back to Alberta with your tail between your legs.


Burning Questions

Is the Club Dread marketing onslaught really getting anyone who wasn't going to see the movie to begin with to go and see it? Are two old British guys sitting around:

"I say, Mortimer, those are some nice juggs."
"Yes, ripping good show, that. Let's purchase tickets."

I'll ask this one again: Is there something that I'm not getting about Drew Barrymore?

Does anyone else think that California is like a sitcom that needs to be cancelled? I keep waiting for someone to jump out and say, "Just kidding. We have a real Governor! Seriously, here he is." I still can't understand a word that fuckhead says. And I'm sorry, I don't find it funny when he goes on talk shows and engages in jocular patter with the show's host. It just exposes both the gap in his thinking and his teeth. "I am de guhvuhnuh now. I'm going to repeal de ban on de smohking inside." Arnie, California's got exactly two good things going for it: the weather and the smoking ban. Don't take away one of its benefits. For Christ's sake, there's a grocery strike there that's cost more money than it would have cost for either side to settle in favor of the other side! That's how ludicrous that state is. All right, all right. Moving on ...

Is there anything more awkward or embarassing than thinking someone in your office is Jewish and then seeing them with the ash on their head for Ash Wednesday?

When will the people on the sidewalk handing out fliers realize that I don't need a cell phone because I'm currently talking on one?

Does anyone else find it hysterical when Regis Philbin sits there and taunts the players in the hot seat on "Millionaire?" Last night, he says incredulously, "Why? Why did you pick that? Why so quick? ... Oh, you're right."


24 febrero 2004

Well, This Isn't Scary

The Constitutional Restoration Act of 2004. All links courtesy: Left Pedal

We get comfortable here in the blue states because we're largely tolerant of the vagaries of others that inhabit our worlds. Sure, we may disagree with them. We may even be vocal about it sometimes. I've seen people get a little physical about it on the subway. But we always respect their right to hold the opinions that they hold. Without sounding didactic, this is what is truly great about this country.

Dominionists, Theocrats, whatever you want to call them, are beginning to mount a serious attack on the very premise on which this nation is founded. While Congress is off session, President Bush makes two judicial appointments to far-right religious Conservatives with histories of ruling against women's rights. Two appointments not without precedent but the likes of which had been seen only 5 times in the previous 40 years.

Now, these religious zealots, angered by what they consider to be the trifecta that broke the camels back have introduced this very frightening piece of legislation to limit the court's power over what they consider to be the word of God. These despicable, hateful characters, folks like Zell Miller of Georgia and Richard Shelby of Alabama (who somehow used to be a Democrat) will tell you that this legislation is here to reinvigorate the moral fortitude of America and rescue us from the clutches of the sinners responsible for the decay of our society.

This is horseshit. You think this is what our founding fathers were looking for? They call this the Constitiutional Restoration Act as if they are doing anything but shitting all over the very principles on which it was written. Our founding fathers set up three branches of government to watch over each other to make sure that no one branch was too powerful so as to override the others. Of course, in the ebb and flow of changing times, certain branches get briefly more powerful to deal with issues of the day. But this kind of limitation, especially in the name of God, is an outrage. God was left out of our government for a reason because religion often makes people rigid and inflexible, particularly those who take it way too seriously. Our system of judicial review is working just fine. Some people have decided they don't like losing, so they've taken steps to change the rules. Sadly, they have the power and the wherewithal to begin the process.

I don't know if these measures will pass when Congress reconvenes. I don't know if they'll get voted on until the next session is sworn in. I don't know if they'll even make it to a vote or just get thrown out the window while the sponsors are laughed out of the Senate's chambers in a hail of staplers and day-old cartons of moo shu pork. I do know one thing: There's an election in December***. A very important one. Our President is up for re-election. You have the votes to keep him out.

Also see: Judge Roy Moore Introduces the Constitutional Restoration Act of 2004

*** Of course, I mean November. I'm just mildly retarded and not a very good proofreader. Thanks to everyone who didn't mention it out of niceness. By "didn't mention it" I mean, "Made fun of me for it"


I Go Blind. No, Seriously.

One week from today, Hootie and the Blowfish have a "Best of" album coming out. I know that somewhere, horns have sprouted from Darius Rucker's head and he's laughing feverishly like Jon Lovitz in an old Saturday Night Live sketch as he rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet. That's the only explanation that I can come up with.


23 febrero 2004

Jessa Crispin, proprietor of Bookslut**, has a pretty pointed post in her blog section today regarding blog snobs and their incestuous little community, spurred by this piece in Arts Journal.

"I dislike the blogging community, the in-jokes and the sly winking at one another. But Mr. Teachout declaring himself the police of blogging etiquette really pisses me off. He won't "name names", he'll just insinuate his disapproval. Instead of making blogging more interesting, this artificial community and Teachout's laying down the law has only made it much more boring. "

Teachout specifically mentions that he doesn't cite specific favorites of his because he's just being "chummy" and not spoiling the fun of reading them for the first time. Thanks for showing us the way, Thunder. You want to take me by the finger and lead me through the elite bloggers? I do so need your help separating the blogging wheat from its chaff. You want to police the rules? Then follow them across the board. Don't pick and choose who your feel the rules apply to and don't turn your nose down at those of us just looking to blow off a little steam by working the keys in their tiny little corner of the universe.

We're all gulity of this from time to time, lifting quotes and links and not citing each other but honestly, who can remember all of the time? Anyone who gets legitimately angry because they aren't getting their due for sort of breaking a story on their tiny little site, likely a blip in the so-called blogosphere, really needs to come back to reality and find their place in the food chain. Chances are, it's somewhere between "plankton" and "phytoplankton." These delusions of grandeur (or more accurately "delusions of mediocrity," looking to soar just into the pack) are what make statements like Teachout's so infuriating.

If I need someone to point out ridiculous codes of conduct, I'll talk to my boss. If I want someone to talk down to me, I'll call my mother.

Thanks for pointing the one out, Jessa. Terry, did I site her properly?

**(Incidentally, Maud Newton runs a blog similar to Jessa's, assiduously cataloguing little snippets of commentary about contemporary authors and such. Both are wonderful sites to keep up with new books and authors, as well as new releases from more established authors and any other news you need to know about your favorite book-writing folks. Both of these sites are also featured in a blurb in Time Out New York this week.)


19 febrero 2004

Maybe I'm Like A Six-Year Old

The bench coach for the Chicago Cubs is named Dick Pole. His last name is Pole and he actually decided on Dick for a nickname. Not Rich or Rick or Ricky or Richie. Dick. I can't be the only one in America laughing at this.

"If you watch the guy, you're going to learn from him," said bench coach Dick Pole, who was the pitching coach in Maddux's first stint with the Cubs.

Looks like Dick is shooting off again.


18 febrero 2004

Today's Onion

"Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades"

The Onion has struck gold this week. Sweet Jewish God, I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying.


12 febrero 2004

If Those Two Crazy Kids Can't Make It ...

"Barbie and Ken Breaking Up After 43 Years" -- Yahoo! News, February 12, 2004

It turns out that no "Hollywood" couple is immune to the break-up bug. Yes, that correct. Ken and Barbie are breaking up. I know. I know. It's very distressing but it does help a little to know that the two will "remain friends." I guess Barbie wants to fre eup her schedule to bang a few more guys now that we're some 30 years past the sexual revolution and she feels like she missed out. Maybe she and Skipper will hit the bar, get hammered and bring home a couple of barflies. Well, have no fear for Barbie, she's already attracted a new man, Blaine the Australian boogie border. Goddamn foreigners are always stealing all of the American tail. What the fuck kind of name is Blaine anyway? Well, it's no less gay than "Ken," I guess.

So this is it, huh folks? 2,000 years of civilization. We've had tremendous scientific breakthroughs, in genetics, in biology, chemistry. We've had innovations in medicine and industry. We've unlocked some of the great mysteries of the universe, relativity, string theory. Despite all of that, the big news of the day is that two fictional characters are breaking up? One who's clearly homosexual and has no genitals; the other responsible for more eating disorders than the mother of fat triplets.

It's no wonder the world can't take us seriously. Here we are lamenting the break-up of two plastic dolls manufactured in Taiwan.


11 febrero 2004

Some Things

Does anyone else really want to see Dr. Octopus as Tevye in "Fiddler on the Roof?" It may just be me, but I think that Alfred Molina is one of the most underrated actors of our time. I love this guy in everything that he does, especially when he kicks the shit out of Mel Gibson in Maverick.

I went to the new Whole Foods in the just-opened Time Warner Center. It actually has a Jamba Juice in it. I have never seen one of these establishments anywhere but the West Coast. This made me happy. Everything else about the Whole Foods made me angry. The crowd, the line, the prices, everything.

Names I'm considering for my first child: Gonad, Horatio, Oliver, Consuelo, Mariachi, Gargamel, Housatonic, Tammy Faye, Sonny, Farnsworth, Carvel, Marvel, Darnel, Lonnie and Geoff Jr.

Is there something I'm not getting about Drew Barrymore?

You know what makes life more fun? When you have your cereal in the morning and you put a little banana in there. Not only do you get a nice taste in the cereal, you also get yourself a solid BM later on in the day. I don't know about you but give me the sports section and a good BM any day of the week. Some people say that coffee is good for this as well. Coffee will get you to the bathroom, but I submit that a banana produces a far better BM than does coffee. I would elaborate but that would be ungentlemanly.

I'm watching the Food Network the other day and they have this show on called All-American Contests or something like that. I turn it on and it's the "Alpine Dutch Oven Cook-off." I looked around to see if someone was playing a prank on me. Am I the only one who still knows what a Dutch oven is? For the record, it's when you fart under the blanket and then lift it up for an unsuspecting person, thereby releasing the concentrated and collected smell that you'd been storing. Now, they're having a cook-off with it. I'm not sure I'd want to eat any of that food. I don't remember laughing that hard in a long time, especially when they say things like "The judges sidle up to the Dutch oven buffet."


05 febrero 2004

Guilty Pleasures

There was an old Yahoo! commerical that had this Goth/metal rocker guy who was sewing in his room and his friends laughed at him when they caught him sewing. He went onto Yahoo! Groups and found some people like him and sure enough, 5 women were all sewing with him on a porch, gawking and longingly sighing at the sensitivity that they perceived in this guy. At the end of the commercial, he shows them his corner of the quilt that they'd all been working on and it's got this fire-spewing skull on it. They all smile. This is one of my favorite commercials.

We all have guilty pleasures. Oh, sure, when you're out among mixed company you don't really talk about them. If you did, you'd have no reason to feel guilty about them. They are, however, most certainly there. Maybe it's that Hootie and the Blowfish CD that you keep hidden in your sock drawer. Maybe you have all of the episodes of "The Golden Girls" on tape, though given the ratings smash that thtis show has become in syndication, apparently it doesn't have a big a stigma attached to it as I thought. Maybe you like Garfield comics or Mandy Moore music. I don't think it really matters what.

Well, I think that we should feel guilty no more. Apparently, there are critics out there who think that they are the only ones that can tell the wheat from the chaff. These are people who've spent a lifetime degrading the efforts of others while taking no time to actually do anything themselves. They hold back from doing anything for fear that what they actually do will be crap. That's why they are doomed to become just another trivial nothing in the grand scheme of things. Because their efforts are reserve solely for mocking those who actually put ther neck out on the line and do something.

My name is Señor Wences. I laughed at "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star." And I won't feel guilty about it anymore.


03 febrero 2004

I'm Tired and My Brain Hurts

Didja watch the game? Well? Didja?

The Patriots of New England took on the Panthers of Carolina. In the end, the Patriots triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a large H. It was a most ripping victory.

The city of Houston blows. And if you don't believe me, consult my Super Bowl Journal on YPR, where I wax poetically about the weekend I spent in the least exciting city in America.

But for everything Houston wasn't, the game was, right down to the last second of play. It was the single greatest sporting event of my life. I was at Game 6 of the 1998 ALCS when the Yankees advanced to the World Series by beating Cleveland. I was at Game 1 of the 1999 ALCS, when Bernie Williams hit a walk-off HR to beat Boston. I was at Game 7 of the 1995 Eastern Conference Semi-finals, when the Knicks lost to the Pacers with a Patrick Ewing missed finger roll at the buzzer. None of it even comes close.

I spent 13 hours traveling yesterday. I spent 9 hours working today. I feel like a puddle.

It was totally worth it.


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