20 mayo 2004

A Girl I'd Like To Bring Home To Mom

"So, the date with CT didn't go quite as planned. We got back to his place, me bombed on sake, and as soon as he started to take his clothes off, he puked all over the place, including on my third-favorite pair of open-toed red heels.

He apologized and offered to give me the full 12Gs if I'd just leave him with a Polaroid of my pooper. As I left his place with a much heavier handbag, I had a brainstorm: Since I'm suddenly such a hot property and can't ever make time for all of my potential suiters, I should start carrying a stack of asshole Polaroids with me at all times. I was thinking some artsy professional shots might be better, but then I realized that these guys would definitely prefer the snuff-film vibe of a poorly-lit Polaroid."

The new Washingtonienne: Way better than the old one.

[Links via Wonkette and Swamp City]


18 mayo 2004

Boys Have A Penis; Girls Have A Vagina

A couple not having sex? It hits a little too close to home:

"'We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate.'

The 30-year-old wife and her 36-year-old husband are now being given sex therapy lessons while the university clinic undertakes a study to try to find out if there are more couples with a similar lack of sex education."

[Link via IM from Matt Tobey]


Thank God They've Come To Take Me Home

"Mexican Air Force pilots filmed 11 unidentified objects in the skies over southern Campeche state, a Defense Department spokesman confirmed Tuesday.

A videotape made widely available to the news media on Tuesday shows the bright objects, some sharp points of light and others like large headlights, moving rapidly in what appears to be a late-evening sky."

Of course, the Mexican Air Force, home of the world's foremost experts on interstellar travel. It would be awesome if this was like 3 kids with a couple of mirrors and a flashlight in Oaxaca or something.


04 mayo 2004

It's Good. Tastes A Little Like Chicken

"Australian carrier Qantas said Tuesday it has changed its lettuce supplier after a passenger on a flight from Melbourne to Wellington found a live frog in her greens."

I picture living in Australia like Crocodile Dundee. It's always like 100 degrees. Everyone is always sweaty and constantly battling wildlife for control of the continent. Also, frogs pop up in your salad.


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